The Sound Creates the Echo
by alienalgorithm
Summary: Michael's opportunities determined more than just her own future. Or: How Spock decided to join Starfleet.


In many ways, Spock could predict his own future simply by watching Michael. She was three years ahead of him in the Learning Center, and he had long since realized that any of the problems they laid in her path, they would inevitably lay in his when he reached the same level of schooling.

If she was denied an opportunity for group work, he would also later be denied it. If she lost a competition, he would also later lose it, at the whim of the same set of judges. If she was deemed "too emotional" or "insufficiency logical" for an activity, he would also be deemed unfit for said activity, for precisely the same stated reasons - even when they behaved completely differently.

It didn't take him long to realize the one fact that Michael seemed completely oblivious to: nothing they did mattered. Their Vulcan teachers loathed them and would continue loathing them regardless of anything they did. There was no way they could behave that would avoid criticism, because the reason they were being criticized had nothing to do with their behavior.

Not everything was a lost cause, however. Michael and Spock both did perfectly well in the areas of their schooling that were measured objectively. The majority of schoolwork was graded automatically by computer, and tests were largely done the same way. Those tests that required a person to look over had long ago been anonymized to ensure fairness. Once Michael had clawed her way to fluency in Vulcan, there had been no easy way for the scorers to detect who they needed to accuse of rampant, illogical emotionality. They could even receive awards, provided those awards were determined directly by their scores.

But that didn't apply to a wide range of important aspects of their education. Spock watched as Michael consistently scored highest in every subject, only to be denied the early mentorship and research opportunities normally afforded to the best students. He would see her at home obsessing over application after application, trying to find the correct formula that would finally make them choose her over her Vulcan classmates.

When he reached the age where it was his turn to apply for the same opportunities, he put in the most minimal effort possible. He knew his parents would never allow him to avoid trying entirely, but observing Michael had taught him that no amount of energy he put in would result in any kind of acceptance.

The contrast between their academic abilities and the amount of opportunities they were afforded did not go unnoticed by either of their parents.

Their mother would comfort them with reassurances that if they kept trying, they would one day prove to everyone how capable they were. Spock understood that she was trying to encourage him, but he knew better than to think she believed it - he had heard her whispered arguments with his father behind closed doors. Michael seemed to believe it whole-heartedly, but then, her hearing wasn't quite as good as his.

Sarek himself always deflected any insinuation that either of them might be judged unfairly. Whenever Michael faced another rejection, he simply repeated whatever criticism had been given as the stated reason, on the apparent assumption that the Vulcan educational authorities only gave accurate and useful assessments of their students' capabilities.

He had initially tried the same thing with Spock, only to become irritated when it became clear that Spock was nowhere near as open to having Sarek lecture him about his supposed flaws. "You should take a page from Michael's book," he'd lectured. "She is much more interested in overcoming the flaws her instructors have seen in her."

"A strategy that has done so much to reduce the criticism she receives," Spock had retorted.

Sarek had stiffened, mouth twitching with the effort not to frown. "Indeed it has," he'd told Spock, before making a swift exit from the conversation.

Spock's attitude shifted slightly when Michael began attending the Vulcan Science Academy. He'd always taken it as given that her present at the Learning Center would invariably be his future, but... attending the Learning Center was mandatory. Attending the VSA was not. Once he completed his basic education, he would be free to choose where he received his advanced education, and there would be nothing anyone could do to stop him.

And so he watched her even more closely than he had before, contemplating whether attending the VSA was, in fact, worth it. Admission turned out not to be a problem - the top scorers from every Learning Center were guaranteed automatic admission to the VSA upon completing an application, and Michael once again had the highest scores in her year.

But the rest of her time at the VSA had been little different from her time at the Learning Center. Spock had watched as she'd applied to assorted programs and internships, only to be rejected despite having the highest scores. He'd watched her throw herself fully into her studies, obsessively learning every fact imaginable about her fields of study. He'd seen her grow more and more despondent at her failure to achieve the same opportunities as her yearmates. He'd seen her seeking more and more counsel from Sarek, looking more beaten down each time...

...until one day, she'd come away from one such conversation with a small smile on her face.

It had been so unusual that Spock had put aside their ongoing animosity to find out why. "Did one of your applications succeed?" It would certainly be worth knowing if one had.

Michael's smile dimmed a little. "No, not yet. I have high expectations for the Vulcan Expeditionary Group, though."

"Why?"

He knew his mother would have scolded him for his bluntness, but Michael didn't seem bothered by it.

"Sarek has told me that they look at test scores before anything else," she'd replied, voice more full of animation than it had been in years. "In the last seven decades, the highest scoring applicants have always received a place."

Spock hoped for her sake that Sarek was actually right about something in this one fluke case. He himself had already put in an application for Starfleet.

Michael's hopes were crushed only a week later.

Spock could tell what had happened the instant Michael walked in the door. She rushed past him toward her room, not quite fast enough for him to miss the fact that she was almost in tears.

Their mother's face was tight, eyes sharp with anger. She gave him a quick nod before silently following Michael's path up the stairs.

Sarek was stiffer than Spock had ever seen him. "I take it that Michael was denied a place in the Vulcan Expeditionary Group."

"She was," Sarek replied, voice almost aggressively impassive. "Her abilities were insufficient to earn a place."

Spock felt something snap inside him. Anger filled his chest, the flames burning faster than he could ever hope to stifle them. He forced his face to remain blank as he replied, but he couldn't strip the dark tone from his voice. "Which of Michael's abilities were insufficient?"

If Sarek noticed anything was amiss, he gave no reaction. "They did not specify."

"Perhaps you should ask them," Spock replied, wondering how far Sarek would be willing to go to hold on to an obvious lie. "I'm sure Michael would wish to know what she needs to improve."

"It would be unfair to use my position to access information others would not have access to." Sarek brushed past him without another word.

Spock considered stopping him. He considered claiming that he needed the information for himself - how was he to know what would be enough to get into the VEG one day, if test scores clearly weren't enough? But attempting to taunt Sarek seemed likely to end as uselessly as it always did, and Spock could already feel himself falling into the familiar, easy pattern of avoiding him.

Spock expected his anger to fade over the coming weeks, or to at least decrease enough to make repressing it easier, but unfortunately, it only seemed to grow with every passing day. He was reminded of the stories of ancient Vulcans who'd become consumed with anger over the most trivial of things, and for the first time wondered if they hadn't been overemotional lunatics who lost control at the smallest offense, but rather after an endless build up of offenses over months or years.

He grew angrier and angrier as he watched Michael attempt to find work in xenoanthropology outside the VEG. He hid it from his family as well as any Vulcan, if not better. But the anger itself remained inside him.

Anger at Sarek, for continuing to pretend that the whole thing really was simply a failure of Michael's abilities.

Anger at Michael for being foolish enough to believe him. For believing that the whole thing really was about her and her abilities, and that if she'd performed the right set of actions she could have achieved a level of personal brilliance that would have been enough to overcome the obvious bias against her humanity.

Anger at his mother, for repeatedly encouraging Michael to think in exactly that manner for years. For encouraging him to think that way, though it had been a very long time since he'd been at any risk of believing it.

When he received his acceptance notice from Starfleet, he didn't bother to tell anyone. He simply sent in a confirmation that he would be attending and arranged passage on a ship to Earth a week before classes started.

Shortly afterward, even Sarek appeared to give up on the idea of Michael being able to find work in her chosen field on Vulcan. Xenoanthropology was not a field with many on-world positions to begin with. The bulk of Vulcan's xenoanthropologists did their work through the VEG. The rest invariably left Vulcan for positions elsewhere.

Spock was unsurprised to find that Sarek's supposed concerns about fairness apparently did not extend to having Michael placed on the ship of his choosing, under the captain of his choosing. Spock had already begun to think that the years of dealing with Michael and their mother had eliminated Sarek's ability to understand what his actions would reveal to any rational observer not already convinced of his honesty and integrity.

Michael left for her post on the Shenzhou a week before Spock was scheduled to leave for Earth. He wondered a little what it might have been like if they'd both gone to Starfleet Academy at the same time, competing against each other for the top scores, but realized that her time at the VSA would have led to her being placed well ahead of him in the Academy even if she had been forced to attend.

Having finally found a solution to Michael's career dilemma, Sarek abruptly turned his full attention to Spock in a way he hadn't bothered with in years. After three days of Spock brushing off his vague attempts at discussing his future, he cornered Spock on the stairs one night after Spock's mother had retreated to her garden.

"You have forgotten to give the VSA notice of your intention to attend. You must do it as soon as possible. It would be foolish to lose your place over such an error."

While Spock had repeatedly entertained the idea of simply getting on the ship to Earth without telling anyone his plans, he had known that he would likely ultimately be forced to explain what he intended to do before leaving, so he was somewhat prepared for the conversation.

"It's not an error," Spock told him neutrally. "I have no intention of attending the VSA."

Sarek clutched the front of his robes, his face turning green. "What? No. No, you will attend. You must attend!"

Spock took a step back, surprised by the strength of Sarek's response. "I have been accepted to Starfleet Academy. I leave in three days."

Sarek's breathing had increased almost to the point of hyperventilation. His voice was low, openly angry. "You will not."

Spock stared at him, outwardly impassive even as his emotions roiled inside him. "I have already secured my place on a ship. I am going."

"You will not go!" Sarek shouted, face twisted in anger.

Spock knew the dangers of an angry Vulcan. He knew they applied as much to his father as to any other. But while part of him was growing increasingly alarmed at the sight of his father losing emotional control to a degree he'd never shown even in the early stages of pon farr... Spock couldn't help the growing feeling of spite-tinged satisfaction.

"Father, you are being emotional."

Sarek recoiled as if he'd been struck. His fists twitched for a moment as though ready to hit back, before Sarek abruptly pulled them behind his back, clasping his hands together in a polite, but very stiff pose. His face went fully cold and blank, the only remaining sign of anger radiating from his eyes.

"I am not the one being emotional."

Spock repressed the very human desire to roll his eyes, wondering for far from the first time if his father thought that simply stating something out loud spontaneously caused it to become true. "You are the one who was shouting."

"I am not the one illogically throwing my future on Vulcan away with a decision to attend Starfleet Academy. There was no reason for you to accept admission to Starfleet when you already had a guaranteed place at the VSA."

"A place at the VSA is not a place on a starship," Spock retorted. "Nearly every Starfleet cadet is placed on a starship after graduation, and those with the highest performance are given first choice of assignments. Attending the VSA would not guarantee me a spot on a ship even if I achieved the highest scores in my year, as Michael more than proved."

Sarek froze completely at Michael's name, staring in front of him for several seconds before turning his gaze back on Spock. "Michael? You did this because of Michael?"

"Not because of her," Spock countered, not appreciating the possible implication of sentimentality in his decision. "Because of the reality she demonstrated. There is no purpose in seeking a career in space exploration through the VSA or the Vulcan Expeditionary Group. Their selection process is at best arbitrary. There is no logical standard that would have resulted in Michael being refused." Spock looked Sarek hard in the eyes.

"Are you implying that the selection committee was not fair in its decision?"

"I am stating it."

"You cannot declare the decision to be unfair when you do not know the basis for it."

"I also cannot work to meet their standards, if they fail to state what they are." Spock quickly cut off whatever Sarek intended to say in response. "If it is a standard Michael failed to meet, I am unlikely to meet it myself."

"Michael is highly deficient in many areas you are not."

Spock felt a shock of surprise. Sarek had criticized both him and Michael endlessly over the years, but in general, Michael had come out ahead of him in any outright comparisons - largely because those comparisons typically related to how willing each of them were to listen to Sarek's advice.

"Which areas?" he asked, curious as to whether Sarek had even bothered to invent a plausible reason since the last time they'd spoken about Michael's rejection. Michael had many real flaws, but Sarek had encouraged all of them to one degree or another, and none of them were ones that would have caused a Vulcan with her scores to be denied a position in any organization.

"She is limited by her human strength," Sarek replied quickly. "She is not as strong as an equivalent Vulcan candidate would be."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I did not understand xenoanthropology to be dependent on feats of great strength."

The side of Sarek's mouth briefly twitched into a frown. "There are often everyday tasks requiring physical strength," he replied. "And every VEG member needs to be able to respond to security threats."

"If that is the case, then the Vulcan Expeditionary Group has done a poor job of allocating sufficient security and service personnel to their vessels." Spock knew he was pushing it, but it had been years since he'd bothered to actively engage with his father's illogical reasoning instead of simply shutting down the conversation. The knowledge that he finally had somewhere else to go made him feel free to argue in a way he never had before. "On a Starfleet vessel, security matters are handled by Security, and general physical tasks are handled by Operations. This leaves the crewmen in Science Division free to focus on research. It also allows Starfleet to recruit competent scientists with even severe physical disabilities. It would be highly illogical to deny a position to a qualified scientist on the basis that they aren't equipped to physically fight off intruders."

The lines on Sarek's face grew tighter and tighter as Spock spoke. When he finally replied, his voice was curt. "Michael may be a qualified scientist by Starfleet standards, but she fails to measure up to the standards of the VEG. Her logic is inferior to yours."

While Spock had to agree that Michael was prone to highly illogical beliefs and decision-making, hearing Sarek declare her logic inferior still succeeded in making his blood boil. Every illogical idea Michael clung to seemed to come either directly or indirectly from Sarek, from the idea that their treatment was determined by how successfully Vulcan they acted to the idea that refusing to smile at him while they lived in the same house would somehow protect him from terrorist attacks. Michael had done everything Sarek could ever have demanded, and he still preferred declaring her deficient to admitting the obvious biases that surrounded them every moment of their lives.

And the most irritating thing about it was that Michael still hadn't realized it even at the point she'd left for Starfleet. She was likely still out there on a ship somewhere, considering herself a failure and listening to Sarek's abysmal advice in her mind without him even present.

"The most illogical thing Michael did was persist in trying to prove herself to people who never intended to give her a fair assessment in the first place," Spock finally replied. "I don't intend to make the same mistake." He stepped around Sarek and marched up the stairs, gaze fixed firmly ahead of him.

Sarek's voice called after him. "Michael is only Human. You are Vulcan. You are capable of more."

Spock felt any remaining desire to speak to his father abruptly drain from his body. He walked silently to his room without turning back.

Spock didn't speak or look at his father for the next couple of days. After a brief failed attempt to goad Spock into further argument with him over the breakfast table, Sarek appeared to realize that he wasn't going to receive a response and attempted to enlist Spock's mother into talking him into attending the VSA.

That was how his mother learned he would be attending Starfleet. She didn't try to talk him out of it, though she did spend his remaining time at home trying to get him to talk to his father.

Spock considered telling her what Sarek had said. A tiny part of him even wanted to send a message to Michael telling her about it, telling her to stop listening to him-! But when he really thought about it, it wasn't very different than anything Sarek had said previously. The subtext had always been there, and Michael and their mother had always studiously ignored it. There was no reason to believe either of them would suddenly decide to stop ignoring it just because Sarek happened to say it a little more directly.

He had wondered if he would be nervous getting on a ship to go live on another planet for several years, but when the day came, he was only relieved. None of his classmates had applied to Starfleet; no one he knew would be studying or teaching at the Academy. Every possible rank and honor had been awarded to Humans, Vulcans, and members of other species at one time or another. Post-Academy positions really were determined by merit, and if he did well enough, he really would be able to start his service virtually wherever he wanted.

And wherever he wanted wouldn't be on a Vulcan ship.


End file.
